So this is a self-indulgent whimsical interlude that’s overly long. Pull up a chair if you want, else, I hope all is well in your world.<\/p>\n
All that said – if there’s one thing I know, I’ve a vanishingly small idea of what people actually think of me. Honestly, I’m clueless is so many things, but this is right up at the top.<\/p>\n
I’m in SF right now, having just attended my first B-sides (which was surprisingly really neat – there were really poignant talks by a couple of pros I hadn’t met before – Clint Gibler and Wendy Nather, along with a master class by hdmoore (if one had to choose a hero, he’d be a good choice), who managed to pull out some new stats ‘n trix about SSH that I hadn’t been aware of), and am now slogging through RSA.<\/p>\n
Meta-parenthetical aside. Back in the day (as “they” say) I did various projects and works… but in ’95 (yee gods, I’m thinking 50%+ of RSA wasn’t even alive then) Wietse and I created SATAN (if nothing else, perhaps my greatest acronym.)<\/p>\n
I was always ill-equipped to handle fame, adoration, let alone leverage my so-called achievements for something more. I’d done other security things, and prior to this was the proverbial Big Fish in a Small Pond, but by the time SATAN came out it all changed.<\/p>\n
The response was a deluge, a torrent impossible to ignore. And a bit silly. The BBC offered me a gig as their west coast reporter… VCs were offering millions in email… book deals offered a plenty. A marriage proposal from someone I’d never seen or met, people stopping me on the street asking me if I was that guy… people in far off foreign countries saying hello, flight attendants, salespeople in retail stores seeing my name on an AMEX card (felt like a commercial)… all pretty surreal. I don’t think they knew who I actually was (to be fair, I’m not so sure I knew either), and if I didn’t handle it well when you ever tried to talk to me or w\/e, mea culpa.<\/p>\n
I stopped going to almost all conferences for maybe… 15-20 years or so? I still rarely go to them. I’ve declined hundreds of keynotes and speaking invitations. I even stopped writing up all my ideas (for better or worse) and… in large part stopped being a real member of the security community. I’m not saying this as a positive thing, but it’s certainly easy to be swallowed up in the private sector, and it’s not like security stood still while I was sleeping.<\/p>\n
But oh my, I LOVE security. I was woken up by the Morris Worm (thank you, RTM) when I realized that one might possibly due this as a living. Every day I wake up and am GALVANIZED by all the amazing things out there. OMG, things just keep getting more interesting and exciting! (I don’t care what any of the jaded people say, the latest AI stuff is amazing.) I have been so fortunate to have been able to make a living on this stuff, it’s a literal dream come true.<\/p>\n
I simply never knew what to say when someone would tell me that they loved my work, or that I’m the reason that they’re in security. I’ve heard that… so many times. The latter more and more. If I were a normal person I might be gracious. But… I know I’m just me. I don’t understand so much in life. But in my heart of hearts… how could you possibly believe that? I am ashamed. So many have told me true emotions of a profound nature, and I freeze up.<\/p>\n
Times change, however. Over the years people forget. I’ve found I can walk among the halls of the security digerati without anyone knowing who the hell I am. This has an unexpected downside to making it more difficult to get a job, but c’est la vie.<\/p>\n
Right place, right time. I was always so extremely fortunate. And I owe so much to Wietse Venema, who somehow tolerated my emissions of madness. He was and is an astonishing human, so much smarter and better than me. I’ll be forever grateful for any time we work(ed) together.<\/p>\n
Of course there’s nothing wrong with wanting people to admire you. Bruce Schneier, who I’ve known for a long time (and also completely admire, he’s a demigod), told me (paraphrasing) when talking about fame “I want to be the guy that they call when they want an answer”. And he’s great at it – full of useful and practical quips, plus… jesus christ, he knows crypto. Perhaps no R, S, or A, but other than Whit, who is?<\/p>\n
Apparently these days lots of people want to be famous – more power to them! I always simply (sic, hahahahha) wanted to do where my perilous mind led me. I was a bit too young to ever work at Bell Labs (my dream upon dreams), but while there are so many anecdotes to tell, I keenly recall MS research (a place I really admire) offering me a job… with the proviso that I would cease work with Wietse. Well… no thanks.<\/p>\n
I’m a bit broken. But I’m also an eveready cyber bunny, my mind can never turn off security.<\/p>\n
But man, what a hell of ride.<\/p>\n
Johnny Cougar\/Mellencamp once sang (Cherry Bomb) –<\/p>\n
If we’ve done any wrong<\/p>\n
I hope that we’re forgiven<\/p>\n
I’ve done wrong. I’d like to think (not an excuse) that most of it was absolutely cluelessness. Certainly if I’ve harmed you, please speak out; I can almost predict a sincere apology with close to 100% accuracy. And if I haven’t… well hallelujah, I’m so delighted. My efforts have been used for evil and harm, but I can only hope in the end on the balance scales I come out alright.<\/p>\n
And never forget to ask – quis custodiet ipsos custodes?<\/p>\n
So say hi if you see me @ RSA. Life is short, and the future is in better hands then when I had a small hand on the tiller.<\/p>\n
Yer pal in security (hahah), ethics, feminism (oooh, lost a few there, but sheesh, women are treated horribly in this world and field), and above all else, kindness.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
So this is a self-indulgent whimsical interlude that’s overly long. Pull up a chair if you want, else, I hope all is well in your world. All that said – if there’s one thing I know, I’ve a vanishingly small idea of what people actually think of me. Honestly, I’m clueless is so many things, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":44,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[33,5,4,226],"tags":[370],"class_list":["post-1380","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dinosaur","category-me","category-security","category-sexism","tag-enough-about-you-more-about-me"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/trouble.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1380","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/trouble.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/trouble.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/trouble.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/44"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/trouble.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1380"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/trouble.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1380\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1381,"href":"https:\/\/trouble.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1380\/revisions\/1381"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/trouble.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1380"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/trouble.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1380"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/trouble.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1380"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}